It was winter. It was a Canadians Winter, almost spring.
My toes were cold, so cold i could see them becoming white, they were almost painful to move. The Plastic Grocery bag must have broken again-for i can feel the cold dampness at my arches. I will have to take a blow dryer to them again, get a new bag and tape it in. My Shoes, A Mixture of Yellow Bags and Green Bags. Black and Silver duct tape. My lace broke in the fall- i remember that i had a band shirt from a local band i was going. So i cut a long strip of black fabric and stretched the cotton. I always loved how cotton never frays- it stretches and turns in on itself. I used this as a lace for the shoes.
Label me what you will, cheap, frugal or whatever inappropriate name you may have for someone who doesn't buy new shoes where its so clear they need to. Lets Just say that i moved back here from a big city with little money and too much pride to ask family for it. I would rather suffer broken shoes and mass discomfort then to bring myself to ask money from family.
After hearing an oh so familiar noise of duct tape letting loose off the roll, i pulled the sticky tape and cut it into shreds. I found Mosaicking The tape worked best. proud of my fix and my survival skills i set my shoes in their beloved resting spot by the door and did what i always seem to do after i am done with my daily routines- watch a chick flick,read or lounge about in pj's.
Thats my life it seems. Wake up to alarm beeping. "Meep Meeep Meeep!" To Which i retort bu slamming ones palm onto alarm clock whilst head is buried within pillow. 10 minutes of weary , warmth and relaxing in softness of the pillow. Which i always found odd, when i goto sleep its the most uncomfortable bed in ones life, i toss and turn while hearing the groans of frustration of both cat (that sleeps by my side, tucked in close to my rib cage) and my Beloved- who has now turned away from me and fluffed his pillow nosily at my seeking the perfect comfort. So why is it that i am not comfortable up until i hear the sounds of the alarm ring? As i was saying: 10 Minutes later "Meeep MEEP MEEP!" (my alarm rings louder the second time around i swear it!) I groan, I turn, I breath in The cool air of our cool home.The Light Purplish blues of the morning lazily graze the inside through our giant window, beside the mattress (on the floor at that). I always envied my Beloved-he rises at the 1st ring of alarm full awake and ready. I am a snooze-aholic. I hit that snooze button as many times as i can before it is truly essential that i rise. The Next bit is my favorite part-I stumble into what poorly put together outfit i have that i feel comfortable in (there is few due to lack of esteem),run a brush through my thin, brittle hair and grab my giant cup and fill it with coffee. At this time i have mere minutes to go before i am to leave and as much as i have a dependency for coffee-we leave when we leave, and i usually don't finish my cup.
Some Juicy background information: I am enrolled into school once more- thats usually where i am the entire day Monday-Friday and currently in between jobs and searching frantically for a part-time job since my bakery gig didn't work out that great during the winter holidays.
After its the same thing, come home, make more coffee, figure out supper- prepare it so we eat by 6:30. Jump into my sweatpants(oh yeah! I went there!)my sloth cloth (a.k.a a ratty old Harvard Shirt with holes in it and the hood chopped off) and do one of the fallowing: Read Chick-Lit,Watch movies on my computer,Clean or Homework. Nothing Different.
But what -do we wonder- does this have to do with duct taped shoes, Lifestyle changes or running? In a word: Everything.
Here I am, not sleeping well, unemployed,bored,relatively unhappy with myself, impatient irritable, distant from myself and others and on top of all this "i feel fat today". However all of this is relevant, all present at that moment in time, the worst of all luck is i can't afford shoes. I look down at the ratty sneakers, the smell of which is a mix of foot and tape, and what do i see? I see exactly how I feel. Now comes the Change, the realization if you will. I have two choices. Choice one: I can stay in these shoes, i can feel bad and live an unfulfilled life. I can make everyone around me tired and upset, fill them with the tension within me. OR choice two: I can better myself and thus I can try. Try to be better,Try and be happy,Try and discover the beautiful person within me.
I Choose choice two, and i chose to bitch about the difficulties to you.
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